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May is a month of transitions - the semester ends, graduations take place, and energy turns toward finishing, proving, and performing. In all this momentum and doing, we stay in the motions of checking boxes and meeting expectations without pausing to reflect.
In coaching conversations, I hear this theme again and again: we tend to equate our worth with how we’re performing. For students, it’s the grades or the likes on social media. For adults, it’s the job title, the productivity, the parenting wins.
Have you noticed how often we answer, “Who are you?” with what we do?
But… you are not your grades or your diploma.
You are not your job.
You are not your to-do list.
Those things might tell part of your story, but they’re not the whole of you. They are outputs, not identity.
Psychologists call this association of value/identity and achievement “contingent self-worth.” It is when our value feels conditional on achievement, appearance, or approval. Research by Jennifer Crocker and Connie Wolfe (2001) shows that when we tie our self-esteem to how well we're performing, we become more vulnerable to stress, perfectionism, and self-doubt. The highs may feel good, but the lows are deep. When our sense of worth rides on outcomes, we can get stuck in a cycle of proving rather than simply being.
So, what does it mean to just be?
Who you are lives beneath what you do or “the doing.”
It shows up in your values.
It’s what you bring into a room when you’re simply being yourself - not performing, not striving - just being.
Mindfulness research describes two modes of mind: “doing” and “being.” The doing mode is goal-oriented, future-focused and problem-solving. It’s essential for navigating the world. But when we live there all the time, we lose touch with ourselves. The being mode, by contrast, allows for reflection, presence, and connection to who we are beyond our outputs. As mindfulness teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn describes, it’s in this quieter mode that we can notice, feel, and reconnect.
Recently, in a Calm App meditation, the guide asked the listeners to reflect on this question: “When you’re not doing, when you’re just being… who are you?”
It reminded me of a conversation with a client where we explored the idea of the self as a whole cake made up of many slices. One slice might be your achievements. Another might be your relationships. Others hold your creativity, your humor, your dreams, your ambition, your quirks, and so on.
We don’t have to share every slice of ourselves all the time. We have the power to choose what and when we share and with whom.
And no single slice, not the grade, not the job title, not the calendar defines the whole.
So, as the month unfolds and the pressure to finish or perform rises, pause and ask yourself who you are when you're not chasing an outcome.
You are not your GPA.
You are not your resumé.
You are not your job evaluation.
You are a human being layered, complex, and constantly evolving.
And every day, you have the power to choose what slice of yourself you offer to the world in your interactions.
This month, take time to reflect and to celebrate who you are, not just what you accomplish (though your accomplishments deserve celebration too!).
Your presence. Your insight. Your compassion. Your curiosity. Your values.
This May, show up with a little more being - not just doing.
With gratitude,
Ana Isabel Sánchez
  
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