When Your Thoughts Start Running the Show

Have you ever noticed those times when your thoughts seem to take over? You replay something that happened, imagine what you should have said, anticipate what might happen next, or run through every possible outcome. You may even know you're going in circles, and somehow you still can't seem to step out of the conversation happening in your head.

There's a reason this can be so difficult to interrupt. Our brains are designed to solve problems. When something feels unresolved or uncertain, the brain may keep returning to it because it believes that if we just think about it a little more, we'll eventually find the answer and feel safe.

But sometimes there is no answer! Sometimes the thinking has become the loop.

This is where I find it helpful to make a distinction between thinking about something and ruminating about something.

What should I have said? What if I had handled it differently? What if I tell them and then they get mad? Sometimes the answer isn’t a better thought, it is stepping out of the conversation altogether. Here are a few ways to do that.

1. From “What if?” to “What now?”

One way to interrupt the loop is to move from “What if?” to “What now?”

“What if this goes badly?” becomes, “What can I do right now?”
“What if they don’t like this?” becomes, “What choice feels right for me now?”
“What if I make the wrong decision?” becomes, “What is the next step I can take with the information I have now?”

That shift brings you out of an imagined future and back into the present. You may not be able to control what happens next. But you can usually name one thing you can do now.

2. Give your body something to do

Sometimes the most helpful next step doesn’t involve your brain at all. It's physical. Stand up. Walk outside. Wash your hands. Make something to eat. Put away a few things. Notice what you can see and hear around you.

Giving your body something concrete to do can help bring your attention out of the internal conversation and back into the world around you. You're creating enough space to decide whether the issue needs your attention right now.

The goal isn't to force yourself to calm down. Sometimes trying to calm down becomes another thing to worry about! Instead, think of it as giving your nervous system another option.

3. Separate what you wish you could say from what you're actually going to do

This is a technique I find particularly useful when the mind is rehearsing a conversation or trying to resolve something that cannot be resolved through more thinking.

Start by writing down everything you wish you could say. You don't have to make it reasonable or polished. Get the hurt, frustration, disappointment, and explanations out of your head and onto paper.

Then create a second list: What am I actually going to do?

That list might be very short.

I'm going to wait before responding.
I'm going to keep this private.
I'm going to take some space and create distance.
I'm going to let this go.

The important thing is that you don't have to turn every thought or feeling into an action. You can have the thought without having the conversation. You can feel angry without sending the text. You can recognize that something wasn't okay without getting the other person to agree with your assessment.

A thought is not an instruction.

4. Give your thoughts a stopping time

Here's another idea I came across recently: the “6:30 Rule.” Choose a time in the evening when you stop engaging with worries and overthinking for the day.

It doesn't have to be 6:30. The point is to create a boundary.

If something comes up after that time, you can remind yourself: I don't have to figure this out tonight.

If there's something you can actually do about it, make a note of it or decide on the next step. If there isn't, you can give yourself permission to come back to it tomorrow.

This can be especially helpful because overthinking often creates a false sense of urgency. Just because a thought is demanding your attention doesn't mean it needs your attention right now.

You're not ignoring the problem. You're teaching your brain that not every thought needs an immediate response.

When certainty isn't available

Sometimes rumination is an attempt to get another person, a situation, or ourselves to give us the certainty we are looking for. And sometimes… the certainty just isn’t available. At that point, the more useful question becomes: What do I know, and what am I choosing to do with what I know right now?

That can be enough.

Coming back to the moment

So the next time you notice your thoughts running the show, see if you can pause before trying to solve them. Notice: I'm thinking about this again. Then ask: Is this helping me move forward, or am I just rehearsing?

If you're rehearsing, you don't have to finish the conversation. The goal is to get better at recognizing when thinking has stopped being useful. Sometimes you can simply notice the loop, listen for what matters underneath it, and choose what you want to do next.

Your thoughts can be there without being in charge.

This week, start noticing the thoughts and remember you don't always have to follow them.

With gratitude,

Ana Isabel Sánchez